Welcome to Jacob's homepage

This page is dedicated to my Son Jacob, who I haven't seen since 1981 when he was 8.

When I'd put the kids to bed, we always said the same prayer, "now I lay me down to sleep. Because I am a little creep. If I should die before I wake, I hope they have some chocolate cake!". Needless to say, I wasn't all *that* gung-ho to turn my kids into the same type of "Religious Robot" that I had become after decades of Roman Catholic indoctrination.

Jacob was a fine young boy when he was growing up. Smart, polite, industrious... he could spend hours building a lego project and wouldn't be satisfied until his work looked exactly like the picture on the box or the catalog. He also didn't take long before he could beat his Old Man at chess!

Jacob was a pretty typical kid. He enjoyed his Tonka trucks, model railroads (never could get a locomotive to run right on his bedroom floor!), yo-yos, baseball and so on.

Jacob did very well in school and had a natural gift of common sense and intelligence. I always figured that Jacob would have a fulfilling and financially rewarding career someday. Jacob was a handsome, likeable kid and seemed to get along with most everyone.

Jacob really used to enjoy riding his bicycle. We picked up a beat up one at a yard sale when he was young. I cleaned it all up, fixed the broken stuff and gave it a coat of paint. It didn't look like much but I ran just fine. Jacob would spend hours on hours riding up and down the street on it, in just about any kind of weather. I figured that he had probably picked up my "Biker gene" somewhere along the line.

The big discussion around Town was this new racing bike that came out. Lebanon wasn't a particularly wealthy Town, so most of the boy's Fathers weren't able to afford something quite that expensive and unneccessary. I decided to sell one of my motorcycles to help raise the money to get Jacob the bike that he talked about from the time he got up until the time he went to bed. "Now I lay me down to sleep...please God, I want a racer bike!" is the way the prayer was going...

We told Jacob that there was a Family in Town who was very poor and that they couldn't afford a bike for their kids. We asked if Jacob would mind giving them his bike since he was obviously better off than they were. Although Jacob loved his bike dearly, he said, "sure Dad!". He put the bike on the front porch where it sat for a week or so waiting to be picked up by the Family in need. He never rode that bike again, never talked about it or anything. Kids sure can make you proud sometimes!

A couple of weeks later, Jacob's new racer showed up and was unceremoneously presented to him. I don't think that I saw Jacob much after that. He was always out riding around until it got too dark to see. He sure was the envy of the neighborhood! Even during my rare visitations, I think I only got to see Jacob at mealtimes.

Well, a lot of years have passed since then. As explained in another letter, my Ex-Wife, with the Court's help, was very successful in blocking any attempts that I made to try to see my kids. No card, no present, no phonecall went unpunished. Send a birthday card; get hauled into Court. Contact the school to see what your kid's grades are; get hauled into Court. Mafia Extohtionists could take a few lessons from Family Court and CSD, folks.

When Jacob turned 18 and was no longer forced to obey his Mother's wishes to keep me out of his life, I started looking around to see if I could find him. I didn't have a lot to go on and it took a full 3 years to finally locate him. About a week before his 21st birthday, I found out that he was serving in the Army artillery at Fort Wainwright, Alaska. Quick like a bunny, I fired off a FedEx birthday card. No response.

Over the course of the next few Months, I did various things to try to initiate contact. Because of Jacob's refusal to acknowledge me it was becoming abundantly apparent that he would just as soon that I stayed out of his life. Jacob had, however, indicated that he knew where his Sister Jessica was. In a last ditch effort, I sent jacob a self addressed, stamped envelope with a blank piece of paper inside and a request that he write down Jessica's address, stick the paper inside the envelope and drop the envelope in the mail.

The envelope containing a blank piece of paper showed up in my mailbox several weeks later. Message received, Son :( I figure that sooner or later, Jacob will get married and have children of his own. If his experiences are similar to over 50% of the population, Jacob will wind up being divorced, will not be given custody of his kids, will be required to pay an unreasonably high support judgement and may have an Ex-Wife who denies access to his children same as what was done to me. I'm wondering how he's going to feel then, smart guy.

What goes around tends to come around. I figure in another few years, it'll be likley that Jacob will be living the same life as I did, a mere 25 years ago. Maybe then he will understand what was going on and that it wasn't my fault that I was allowed absolutely no role and no participation in his life. 'Course, by then, I'll probably be too damned old to much give a shit anymore. One can only hope that Jacob does a better job with his life than I did with mine.

Time will tell.....

Last modified November 26,1997