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Here's my basic relationship goals

I want a long term (i.e. lifetime) relationship with someone who is honest, trustworthy, very easy going and who has a very high degree of ethics and integrity.   I want someone who is going to treat me with respect and who will like and love me exactly the way that I am. 

I prefer to live a relatively tranquil, conflict-free lifestyle.  I don't enjoy confrontations, fighting and unhappiness.  I am a very easy going person and would much prefer to be in the company of someone who has an equally low thermostat setting.

I view permanent relationships as a "Partnership" where both people are working towards common goals.  I have no wish to dominate someone else nor do I want to be dominated.  The ability to "be myself" and to be able to speak freely and honestly without risk is assumed and expected.  I expect that my boundaries will be respected.


I figure I would be a lot happier being alone than I would be being with someone who is busting my balls all the time.  My tolerance for women who want to control me and then bitch up a blue steak when I won't let them is extremely low.

There will never be a repeat of my last so-called "permanent" relationship where I was financially ripped off, cheated on, lied to and ultimately dumped someone "better".   In my experience, marriage has not guaranteed fidelity and/or commitment, although it certainly should have, according to popular propaganda. 

I am in no mood to screw around with Barbies who are on a search of the perfect man.   Lord, keep me safe from relationship lightweights who have no concept as to what friendship, commitment, loyalty and the word "forever" mean.  I have become weary of having the phrase "I love you" laid on me by women who are completely clueless as to the meaning of the word. 

If I am unable to find someone who is *substantially* better for me than the women who have been in my past,  I will probably not enter another "permanent" relationship again.  However, always hopeful, I'm thinking that my Ms. Forever_and_always may just turn the corner any second and if she does,  I want to be someplace where it will be easy for us to find each other. 


Very tolerant, non-critical, fair, evenhanded, easy going and slow to anger

Conflict adverse... a peacemaker. Read: Does not initiate fights

Honest, trustworthy, ethical, loyal, hardworking, gainfully employed

Loves to touch, hug, hold hands and kiss in public; has a playful, upbeat nature

Open-minded, especially sexually; independent, respectful of others and their boundaries.

Financially solvent.  Knows how to earn/manage money and is not looking for someone to bail her out of her own $$$ problems.

Childless or already has a good support network for her child(ren).  Not looking for a Father for her child(ren) or a Sperm Donor.

Healthy lifestyle; neither anorexic nor obese (i.e. reasonably HWP).  Non-Smoker and not subject to addictive behavior (drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.)

Prefer someone who is familiar with Biker culture and enjoys Blues Clubs, rides, runs, ABATE events and so on.

Looks good in leathers (and owns her own) a big plus

Has no burning need to have her ass kissed (figuratively speaking) or to be patted on the head and given condescending platitudes every other minute.


Independent - Being free to live my life without undue criticism and interference.  Many females claim to just love self-motivated, independent guys and especially "bad boys" like myself who tend to not follow the pack.  Why, then, do these same women spend the duration of our relationship trying to pussy whip me into shape when it was my "I won't dance on the end of anyone's string" attributes that attracted her to me in the first place?  Bikers do not allow anyone to dictate what they can and cannot do with their lives.  Being independent doesn't mean being oblivious or uncaring towards other people's needs... it does, however, mean that I have already decided what works best for me in my life and if you have a problem with that, that's just too damned bad.  You will get nowhere trying to change me.   My best advice to you is to spare yourself the aggravation and don't try.

Baggage - Many women see guys having "baggage" as being a bad thing.  I don't understand this at all!  I have been in several serious, committed relationships.  I have worked hard to do the right thing and to do my part to keep the relationship going.  When my "Partner" bails (and especially when she has an extra-marital affair and bails) it makes me question whether my commitment, willingness to compromise and all the work that I put into this thing was even really worth it.  This is especially true of my last relationship where the notion that we would somehow not be together for the rest of our lives never even entered my mind.  Guys who are committed to the success of a relationship and who do everything that they can to make their Partner happy are going to be very hurt when/if their Partner is unfaithful to their marriage vows of loyalty, honor, love and so on.  This, Ladies, is known as "baggage". you want a guy who doesn't give a rip about relationships and who can walk away from you without giving it a second thought? Or do you want someone who is capable of making a lifetime commitment and will do whatever needs to be done to see that commitment honored?  

The more you loved someone and the more that you trusted then, the heavier the baggage is when they split.  I loved my Ex a *LOT* and I probably always will.  I will always miss her and I will always be sorry that we are no longer together.  Trusting and loving someone "too much" should be a positive attribute, not a negative one!  Get your priorities straight, Venus!


People who demand/require substantial changes in me.

People who are so unhappy with who/what I am that they initiate major confrontations about it within the first few dates.

People who inject a lot of unhappiness into the relationship by constantly complaining about things involving who/what I am all about.

People who focus a large percentage of our communications on things that [they think are] wrong with me or things that I "ought to change" so that I can "improve who I am".

The message?  If you really don't like who I am or what I am all about, don't waste your time on me.  Instead, just go find yourself someone different who suits you better right off the rack.  I am not even remotely interested in being someone else's "construction project".  I like myself just fine the way that I am, thanks.

Seem harsh?  Perhaps... but no more harsh, I think, than losing custody of my cemetery plot because my soon to be Ex-Wife decided that she'd rather be buried next to her new boyfriend than to me.  Talk is cheap, ladies...

What you may have missed

Females seem to give an awful lot of lip service to wanting a guy who is "open and honest".  Well, goils... I have a 143 IQ and could easily write a BIO that would have your little heart going pitter pat... the only problem with doing that is that it would make me like 99.9% of the other guys who are out there: a phony, superficial, lying sack of shit.  And if there is one thing that I ain't, it's that I am nuthin' like any other guy you have ever known!  Being a bright young girl yourself, you may have noted that this can be both a good thing and a bad thing.  The upside for you is that I won't make you invest years of your life in me before I clue you in on who and what I am all about.  So....  you can have a trustworthy, up front guy (albeit a little rough around the edges) in your life right now or you can hang out with the other guy and wait to see what falls out of his closet over the next 5 or 10 years.  It's entirely your choice....flash or substance. 

Personally, I don't feel that I have an inexhaustible supply of time left to keep playing these "girlie games" with females who only want open and honest guys provided that they are always told exactly what they want to hear.  I may not be your childhood vision of Prince Charming but neither am I the scumbag who is going to dump you when some beautiful Babe blows in your SO's ear as one surely will some day..  Give it some thought, Venus..

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Last modified March 4, 1998
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